These last two days I have been killing it. I have written four articles, seen massive breakthroughs in my clients and crammed more learning in these two days than I have in the past month.
This is the other side of my depression. On my good days, when I’ve bounced back, it’s like all the good ideas that have been repressed, all of the energy that was drained from me and all of the happiness that I missed out on during the bad days come flooding back.
It all hits me like a train and the world moves in slow motion.
The phrase ‘it’s always darkest before the dawn’ has a brother that I’m about to coin:
‘It’s always brightest when you step out of the dark.’
It’s that light when you step out of a dark room into the sunlight. That light that is so dazzling it’s almost painful. That is the feeling I get when I step out of depression.
To be honest, I have to be on top of my game to make sure it doesn’t cause its own melt down. My brain is moving so fast its almost paralysing BUT I am completely undistracted!
Strangely for me, I am focused as well as enthusiastic and I am getting things done!
I like to see this phase as the goodness coming back.
I like to see it this way because it means that in the grand scheme of things, I’m not losing out on anything through depression.
Everything I missed out on is just going to arrive later.
The worse I get, the better it’s going to be when it comes back.
On my very worst days, I can look forward to a massive incomparable pay out of happy.
I know it’s hard to care about the good when you’re feeling down, but the happy is always better than the sad is bad, and I find that extremely reassuring.
Especially considering that I am a force of nature when I am happy.
I’m buying flowers, I’m dancing and singing, I’m laughing I’m working hard, and the things that I need to do are getting done.
The tipping point for me was when a 5 year old I coach for rugby could not wait to show me the tiny cut on his finger. He was so proud of it because it showed the world that he got hurt but he was brave and he’s ok now.
I mean he showed me it before his spider man watch. That’s got to tell you how important it is.
It also showed that he thought I should be impressed by it. That’s the thing.
Depression is a battle, any problem you have can be a battle and it’s so easy to give up. But if you kept going, fought through it and came out on top for your problem- even if it’s just for a little while- then people SHOULD be impressed. You’re a bad ass.
I guess my take away message is an oldie but a goodie: IT DOES GET BETTER
If anyone is depressed, or has contemplated suicide, or is struggling with work or school or a break up. Or if you’ve just had a shit day. It does get better. It’s the beauty of living so long.
The best day of your life so far?
I promise you that you’re going to have an even better day.
Days are coming that are so good that you will find it hilarious that you ever worried about what you are worrying about now.
I know that you’re in the middle of your troubles now, and that it seems like there is no way out.
But trust me, get your head down, keep moving forwards and life naturally gets better.
Every ‘down hill’ has a bottom.
It has to. You can’t go down hill forever. You run out of earth.
And once you get past that it is up, up, up.
And you see the beauty of up is:
There is no limit on how high you can go
None at all!
GS Fitness Training